A Half-Year Inventory Of Achievements

Do you know that time is a myth? That it is a crazy concept and nothing but a huge conspiracy? Because tell me how just last week I was telling everyone I met ‘happy new year’ and suddenly everyone is wishing me a good July. When did this leap happen? Anyway, happy new month, since everyone has managed to convince my calendar that it truly is the first day of the month of July.

In the lieu of everything ‘fresh’ and ‘beginning’, I will take stock of my achievements till now. I started the year with a bang—like almost everyone else—with my resolutions tight in my grasp, my eyes sparkling with dreams and the imagined taste of achieved goals. It went well the first few days, and dare I say weeks, but like these things do, finally crumbled under the weight of reality and limited willpower. It’s fine, though. I know, retrospectively, that I made up for each ‘fall’, each time I gave in to the temporary pleasure of excuses and excessive naps, in double leaps of discipline and action.

Oh, I had plenty of reasons to hyperventilate and drown myself in worry and self-doubt—which I did—but I also gave myself the grace to just breathe. To sit still and stop fighting for control. I inhaled and I exhaled. And I got right back into worrying and being busy with too many superfluous things. But the main thing is, I breathed. I had periods of inactivity I refused to feel guilty for and those were rejuvenating.

I was supposed to launch this website in January, but that plan went to soot since I was still in the village a week after January arrived. Then I planned to launch it in February, but perfectionism and self-doubt seduced me. In March, I’d had enough, and I knew I would never get round to launching it if I kept waiting for the right time and to have the best brand colours and a few blog drafts under my belt and a good newsletter name and the perfect freebie.

I’ve done a lot of fixing and learning since I finally started and most of the things I wanted to make perfect before starting are still in the works. But I’m a whooping 33 blog posts and four good months of running my website prouder. Speaking of blog posts…

I wrote the posts even when I believed I couldn’t write a word. Through the crippling fear and the headaches and the screen made hazy by my stinging eyes, I wrote the posts. I might have stumbled around a bit—I’m still stumbling, if I’m being honest—but somehow, I made it till today without giving up.

And you might not get it, but that is such a big deal for a person who has always found valid excuses to quit. Always. But I made it this far, and I’m looking at ten more years before I even think of slowing down. The palpitations will smoothen out, the perspiration will dry off and the fear will quiet into an ignorable hum.

I was scared of starting a newsletter because I didn’t know what I’d write and if anyone would even be interested in reading whatever that was. I have gone headfirst into it now, and I’ve found that the words will come the more you write them out. I no longer feel like I am ranting into an empty room, but believe I am conversing with people who want to listen to what I have to say. I like the look of the emails I send and I’m proud of the value I have to offer and the people who trust me enough to subscribe. It’s still in its baby stages, but it’s fast becoming one of my favourite parts of owning a website.

If you’ve not subscribed yet, please do. Don’t miss out on this awesomeness and don’t cause me to miss out on the awesomeness that is you. I want to get to know you better and serve you better, so click here and dive into our cozy little email bubble.

I don’t know what I did with 2024, apart from surviving and telling myself I’d get back to ‘it’ once I felt better. This year though, I did get back to reading and have managed to find the magic in the act. I read a few amazing books and was moved to emulation with each page I turned. I’m excited about writing my own debut. And I haven’t just been reading fiction, but I’ve gorged on amazing non-fiction that challenge me to do better.

I was kind to myself, a feat for a girl who has been downright nasty to herself under the guise of tough love.

This year, I let myself rest when I needed it, I forgave myself for being scared to write, I was soft on myself when I would otherwise have thrown in a few caustic words, I listened when I sat up at night wondering if everything was okay with me, I gave myself grace when I missed self-imposed deadlines, I celebrated the small wins with every pomp reserved for the grand wins, I stopped listening to what people said and focused instead on what I knew to be true.

This was how I was kind to myself: by putting my well-being first and understanding that though I want a loud success, the quiet process is just as important, and I am worthy of applause even now.

I used to tell people, with a hint of smugness, that I was an overthinker. Somehow, I thought it was a quirk and loved memes about overthinking. But all I was doing when I was overthinking was worrying. I wasn’t even thinking productively, which would’ve made my life so much better. Instead, I just thought up the worst-case scenarios and let the fear these raised cripple me.

I worried endlessly about everything. Everything. About failing and about succeeding. Sometime this year, I finally decided to stop. I wasn’t going to ruin a perfectly good day worrying about some future event. I wasn’t going to let one rain cloud stop me from enjoying the breeze.

I’m still working on it, and I usually have to call myself to order when the thoughts begin to fly, but I’ve been much happier, and I get reminded time and again that the worst-case scenarios rarely ever happen.

In myself, with the videos and books I consumed, and in my future, with the money I saved up and put into a mutual fund. Last year, I told myself I’d invest once I started earning consistently in dollars. This meant that all the naira I had, and the dollars that found their way to me only occasionally were put in savings account that would usually end up saving me before each month ran out.

Sometime in January, I hit rock bottom financially, so, my oldest sister challenged me to raise an insane amount of money within six months. I surpassed it within three months and made sure to invest it.

You don’t have to say anything: I am proud proud proud of this all on my own!

Now, I’m no Warren Buffet, but I like the feeling of having my money produce even more money for me. And knowing I was able to raise such an amount of money within such a short period is a confidence booster.

Yes, I am that girl. Yes, I may fall a thousand times, but I still get back up. I’m still breathing, I’m still writing, I’m still learning, I’m still worth it. Worth it all.

Of course, there were days I felt like a failure and panicked so bad about the months moving too fast. But looking back, I’ve had an amazing six months and I failed forward every single time. That’s an achievement I do not take for granted.

So, with this, welcome to the second half of the year. It’ll be an amazing time.